Literal Trash

thebritishteapot:

spacecores:

youlovelucie:

artwlw:

diyozas:

adventurotica:

three-course-dessert:

runicbinary:

la-mancha-screwjob:

sugar4ndroses:

narwhalsarefalling:

starlightandcrimescenes:

gin-and-eschatonic:

agrestenoir:

commanderfraya:

icouldwritebooks:

mirab3lle:

thomrainierskies:

mugsandpugs1:

hermionegranger:

autisticcole:

debrides:

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”

we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

While I still worked at McDonald’s I was always in drive thru so any time I’d answer the headset it’s “hi welcome to McDonald’s what can I get for you” well on my day off my mom called me and y’all wanna guess how I answered my own damn cell phone? Mom and I paused. She started laughing hysterically and I hung up the phone to scream for five minutes

iniustus:GOOOOOOOOODBYE

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 22:21:07 -0700

iniustus:

GOOOOOOOOODBYE

How Food Looks Before It’s Harvested.

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 21:32:02 -0700

biochromium:

pr1nceshawn:

Sesame Seeds

Cranberry

Pineapple

Peanut

Cashew

Pistachio

Brussel Sprouts

Cacao

Vanilla

Saffron

Kiwi

Pomegranate

exactly 1 minute ago i had absolutely no idea what the plants sesame seeds and peanuts came from look like and i am shocked and surprised

ainawgsd: veterinaryrambles: snugglyaggron: thelastsworld: serpentmythos: ceeblathers: raging-r...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 21:03:19 -0700

ainawgsd:

veterinaryrambles:

snugglyaggron:

thelastsworld:

serpentmythos:

ceeblathers:

raging-rabbit:

tinierpurplefishes:

jenniferrpovey:

tiny-pebble:

motherstrawberry:

theloudtechnowitch:

supernachtkuchen:

queenofsquirrely:

bemusedlybespectacled:

shootingstarpilot:

heroes-get-made:

justsaynotodiamondauthority:

ember-light:

onebigyoush:

givemeunicorns:

dharmagun:

elfangorwasprettyrad:

dragonnan:

creaturesofnarrative:

spaceshipoftheseus:

roachpatrol:

iridiceae:

elfangorwasprettyrad:

x-d001:

elfangorwasprettyrad:

elfangorwasprettyrad:

reblog this post with a cool animal species lets make a wholesome thread

ok ill give a headstart:

i really like leopard seals

axolotls are p rad

I LOVE THOSE

potoos look like muppets and i ove tem

here’s a quokka it’s like someone decided to splice together a wallaby and a teddy bear they literally always look like a benevolent cartoon

i don’t think you can get more wholesome than that adorable lil seed-eating smiley face. they’re not even like dolphins, cute on the outside and evil on the inside. they’re herbivores about the size of a cat. there is nothing wrong with them.

The Springhaas, or “irl pikachu” as it is sometimes known, is basically a rat shaped like a bunny abruptly caught in the middle of trying to evolve into a kangaroo. This is why they tend to look startled.

This is a dik dik. They are tiny antelopes from southern and eastern Africa–seriously so smol. With teeny hooves and teeny horns and big soulful eyes. And the name is fun to say. It comes from the alarm call that the females make. They live together in monogamous pairs.

Long Eared Jerboa

The adorable mash-up of a hamster, bunny, and kangaroo. Whiskers with no end, ears that put a fennec to shame, and adorability beyond measure!

bringing this back on your dashes

a sichuan takin bull and his daughter

often the color of donald trump’s hair and looking like a cross between a bison and a guinea pig, the takin is actually a bloody big goat-antelope. they have splendid noses, a natural smile, and share their habitat with pandas. which should be good enough for anyone.

This is an okapi. They are related to giraffe, can lick their own eyeballs and kind of always look like you just asked them for a ride to the airport but look at those ears and the little striped legs ~(*^*)~

Chambered nautilus! A living fossil! I also love axolotl though.

Originally posted by montereybayaquarium

A cinnamon bear! Actually a member of the black bear family, they’re one of the more calm species out there. We also have matching hair <3 Enjoy this one with a heart on its chest!

Red pandas!

Originally posted by cutestuffco

HIGHLAND COWS

This is the most wholesome post on tumblr.

I love echidnas

ESPECIALLY BABY ECHIDNAS

Fennec foxes!!

I love all of these!

Capybaras! They’re the largest cavy species,(cavies are animals like guinea pigs) They’re BASICALLY a giant golden retriever in the skin of guinea pig.

MANATEES

Originally posted by lovefloridauk
They’re just big lumps that float around the sea. They’re non-aggressive, non-territorial herbivores that spend most of their time sleeping or eating, or they might be socializing with other manatees or investigating interesting objects.

Best of all, as of this year they are no longer endangered!!

Maine coons!! So soft and friendly!!!

Look at these babies!!!

Majestic af!!!

Because, why mow the lawn when you have ponies!

Sand Cats! Even the adults look like regular kittens, and the kittens are weapons-grade cute :3

Viscachas look like rabbits with longer tails, but they’re actually related to chinchillas. Also they have a tendency to look like meditating monks when they sunbath.

chinese water deer!

look at them there dorky fangs

A pleasantly round birb I saw at work the other day.

no pangolins? They is ooo cute.

Epaulette sharks are small, cute, and are named for their lovely shoulder decorations! Instead of swimming, they oftentimes use their fins to walk along the ocean floor. I love them.

And another small shark that walks, the cloudy catshark:

Quality snoot!

I always reblog this with red river hogs because zomg cute! And they will come up to see you at zoos if you are quiet, softly grunting “whuff whuff” as they do.

African Wild Dogs!

taterkategg: lynati: ignescent: shelbyandvali: fenrir-kin: e...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 20:34:52 -0700

taterkategg:

lynati:

ignescent:

shelbyandvali:

fenrir-kin:

erisiana:

ricca-raccoon:

feckyeslife:

THEY JUST KEEP JUMPING ON THE COUNTER. AND CRAWLING UP HER LEG. THIS IS THE GREATEST PROBLEM YOU COULD EVER HAVE

This is both adorable and stressful to watch. Damn it, kittens, be good! Food’s coming!

OH MY GOD SHE NAMED ONE OF HER CATS OBAMA

I love that kittens are gently placed on the ground… whereas adult cats, because they should know better (and are undoubtedly better at landing on their feet) are just… flung.

Oh my god I love this

I love that the kittens continue climbing her even after she steps away from the food - the goal is no longer ‘get to food’ it is ‘climb the human’!

UNDER SEIGE!!

Goals. Somewhat.

insomniac-arrest: tumblr: on languages

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 20:06:18 -0700

insomniac-arrest:

tumblr: on languages

just-shower-thoughts: Harry Potter isnt a nerd, he is a jock. He didnt try very hard in school,...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 19:37:35 -0700

just-shower-thoughts:

Harry Potter isnt a nerd, he is a jock. He didnt try very hard in school, cheated on homework constantly, was a sports star, and ended up joining the police/military

slytherpuff-aesthetix: let’s appreciate the truth of this

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 19:08:58 -0700

slytherpuff-aesthetix:

let’s appreciate the truth of this

queergladers: scaredpotter: friendly reminder that in half-blood prince harry was so busy staring...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 18:40:20 -0700

queergladers:

scaredpotter:

friendly reminder that in half-blood prince harry was so busy staring at draco’s dot on the marauder’s map that he walked into a suit of armour

also reminder that in order of the phoenix draco was so distracted by harry walking in that he messed up his charms test and dropped a wine glass

kvothbloodless: bumblebeebats: It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 18:11:58 -0700

kvothbloodless:

bumblebeebats:

It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-

Hermione ghost wrote this

miss-cigarettes: Todoroki Shouto ( 轟焦凍 ) || BNHA Season 3...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 17:43:23 -0700

miss-cigarettes:

Todoroki Shouto ( 轟焦凍 ) || BNHA Season 3 Ep.12

studiotrigger: saitamah: studiotrigger: what to watch what to watch one piece i’m looking to...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 17:14:50 -0700

studiotrigger:

saitamah:

studiotrigger:

what to watch what to watch

one piece

i’m looking to watch anime not a life commitment.

emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn: virgilanxiety: spoonmeb: si...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 16:46:12 -0700

emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn:

virgilanxiety:

spoonmeb:

sirfrogsworth:

I thought this was very sweet. Young Nassir asked his mother, Fatima, to his senior prom. It looks like they had a swell time and their outfits sparkled in all their matching glory.

That is so sweet 😭

they are both so beautiful wtf who gave them the righttttt

This is so sweet!

mamapluto: adelphicoracle: thatpettyblackgirl: I’ll just leave...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 16:41:02 -0700

mamapluto:

adelphicoracle:

thatpettyblackgirl:

I’ll just leave this right here

Yowsa. No words needed.

well, two words needed: Rob Jacobs, name of the artist

cxcktaeil: Random Kpop reaction Pack (15)

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 16:30:02 -0700

cxcktaeil:

Random Kpop reaction Pack (15)

glyxiebear: camben24: 4wns: how is trump alive?? like hes rlly gone thru his whole life like That...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 16:23:31 -0700

glyxiebear:

camben24:

4wns:

how is trump alive?? like hes rlly gone thru his whole life like That …. and no one has ever just fuckin decked him?? gave him the ole one two? knocked his lights out??? incredible

sorry to improve your day without much notice but

NEVERMIND REBLOGGING AGAIN BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT WE ALL NEED